I just moved out of Glenwood apartments, so I thought I’d write about how much they suck shit. I didn’t want to post about this early in case someone wanted to come rob me or mess my car up (which has already happened at Glenwood).

Glenwood Apartments (formerly known as Twyckingham Apartments) is located on Hagadorn Road in East Lansing, Michigan. Technically, they are in Meridian Township territory, so even though they have an East Lanisng mailing address they are covered by Meridian Township police, fire, etc. They used to be run by Allstate Management Company, but were recently bought by DTN Management. I could write pages about how DTN’s monopoly over apartment complex in the East Lansing area allows them to treat the students like shit and rape them in every way they possibly can, but I’ll save you the endless reading. I wanted to make it more interesting, so I decided to list the top 10 reasons why I think living at Glenwood Apartments sucks.

10. The leasing office is not located on-site.

While this may not sound like a big deal on the surface, it is a huge pain in the ass whenever you need to talk to someone at the office to do things like pay rent, or get something fixed (which as these older-than-dirt apartments happens quite often). The leasing office is located at Berrytree Apartments which is a few more blocks south away from campus. If you don’t have car, do not worry, it is a huge pain the ass to get over there and it’ll take you about 15 minutes to walk there. Additionally, at most apartment complexes when you get a package in the mail they just drop it off at the management office so that you can pick it up at your own convenience. Since there is no leasing office on-site, you must instead hall all the way across East Lansing to pick up the package held at the post-office (if its UPS its all the way over on the south side of Lansing).

9. DTN = Worst landlord ever.

I’ll pay $20 to anyone who can find 5 students in all of East Lansing that like DTN as a landlord.

8. The emergency lighting system does not actually function.

Let me clarify, most of the lighting system does not work. At any point in time at least 25% of the lights at Glenwood are not functioning. This includes the lights covering the walkway from the back parking lot (which is where the only open spots are if you get home after 10pm) to your apartment. Poorly lit walkways is all part of their safety plan. Here is just one random example:

Now on the top you can see the light out in the filthy hall way. On the left I have highlighted the emergency lighting system. That is really just there for looks and decoration. They do not actually function. One time we had a power outage during a thunderstorm that lasted over 12 hours through the night and the lights never came on. So don’t forget your flashlight!

7. Consumers Energy dreams of having apartments as inefficient as Glenwood.

Ever wanted to know what it feels like to wipe your ass with money? That’s basically what you’ll be doing with it when you get your electrical bill.

6. Noisy and smelly are understatements.

The apartments are old and smell like shit.

The best part is when you come downstairs to get your “clean” laundry only to find one of the shitbags living in the building sitting in the laundry room talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette. I am not sure what it is about dirtballs living at Glenwood, but for some reason they all think that the laundry room is their personal smoking area during the winter time when it’s too cold to smoke outside. Nothing like having your clean laundry coming out smelling like smoke.

5. You might fail a drug test by inhaling the air in the hallways.

Ever wanted to know what it’s like to get a contact-buzz? Just take a walk through the hallways in the evening. Friday and Saturday nights are so good sometimes that Jimi Hendrix would be envious.

4. Ugliness has penetrated the whole place through and through.

You will be over-whelmed with the hideous decor just driving by, starting with the stupid castle design out front. Once you step in side you will see the beautiful light brown carpet, with black molding and off-white walls (that’s ignoring the holes in the wall and missing trim).

3. The criminals of Lansing-area love to hang out there.

Glenwood Apartments and DTN could give two shits about the safety of the people living there. After all, why bother making sure that the walkways and parking lots are well-lit? My car was broken into a year ago and that was in the most “well-lit” part of the parking lot. Nothing like waking up in the morning and heading out to your car to find your window smashed in and over $1000 worth of damage.

In addition to that, last year one of my neighbors was a victim of armed robbery.

“The victim and his roommate, along with a female friend, had finished watching a movie and were in their living room when three men and a 21-year-old woman forced their way into the apartment. Rushing toward the door, the 26-year-old victim’s head was repeatedly hit with a meat tenderizer…”

You can read the rest here:

http://www.statenews.com/index.php/article/2007/01/off-campus_apartment

2. The parking sucks.

Nothing will piss you off on a daily basis more than the parking. The idiots in the management office have screwed this up in two ways: (1) they gave out too many permits, (2) the permit-parking is not enforced. If you come home anytime after 9pm you might was well plan on parking in visitor parking. If you are living in either of the front buildings (A & B) you will enjoy the exercise as you walk down the poorly lit, half-mile walk to your apartment. Have fun carrying your groceries and books all that ways!

1. The laundry room doubles as an outhouse.

Saying the laundry room is a shit-hole is a bit of an understatement. I could go into detailed descriptions of what sucks about them, but I think a picture and knowing that it is used as an outhouse will suffice. I don’t know who the culprits are, but for some reason the laundry room constantly smells like piss. The leasing office claims that they clean it on a regular basis, but for some reason it always smells like piss and smoke. It is comparable to the smell of the bathrooms at the bar called Ricks. I am also not sure about the source. The piss seems to be everywhere: the sink, the floor, the trash can and the washing machines. It is worst during the summer time when that room really heats up and the piss starts to ferment. On top of that, there are always people loitering in the laundry room late at night. It makes you wonder if your laundry might grow legs, or worse yet, come out of the wash with a pee-stain. Here’s a picture of what the beautiful laundry room looks like:

I am not sure how it got there, but you can notice the giant bird feather on top of the dryer. Considering there is no screen on the door and the morons living here see fit to leave it open, it probably came from a bird passing through. Don’t be surprised if you see bird shit in there.

Filed under: Things that piss me off by sschauer
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For the longest time I never knew that people outside of Las Vegas used the term “$30,000 Millionaire”. I was wasting time on Facebook the other day when I noticed one of my friends had it listed in his profile and I found it humorous how that term has proliferated. So what does it mean? Basically, it is a douche bag that makes about $30,000 per year but in front of other people he or she likes to act like they are worth millions. The term really applies more to dudes, and they are often found at the trendiest nightclubs and bars. After working at a nightclub for several years I can tell you that at any given moment 2 out of 3 patrons in a trendy nightclub are, in fact, millionaires (not really). Common symptoms of “$30,000 Millionaire” syndrome:

• You refer to yourself as “baller”, or “high-roller”, etc.
• When in public you like to point out how much the things you are wearing cost, i.e. “look at my new [hideous] Versace shirt, it cost me over $150″
• Everything you own is leased
• Your credit card(s) is maxed out, mostly with charges for clothes and cheap champagne at the hottest nightclubs
• You wear a lot of hideous looking gold jewelry
• You like to wear your sunglasses inside
• Your life is dictated by all of the latest trends
• Every time you go out you like to buy champagne and bottles for everyone at the table and then dance around with the bottle in your hand.

These things are commonly done to appear as those you are loaded and ultimately you think it will get you laid. Most likely neither occur. Just in case you were wondering what they look like I thought I’d include some pictures:

Here we see the bleached greasy hair, hideous shirts that probably cost more then their monthly income and most of all, they are standing there with their thumbs up each other’s asses as they talk about who is more “baller”.

These next two are pretty self explanatory:

Now this next one I know you are going to jump to conclusions and say “oh but this guy really is a millionaire!!” I will explain…

Technically speaking, he himself is a $30,000 Millionaire. He has no money, he is poor, and he is worthless with no talent. All of his money was actually Britney’s money.

While this is kind of off topic, I’d like to say that one of my new favorite sites to look at is called, “Hot Chicks with Douchebags“. There you can find more examples of $30,000 Millionaires, except on this site they will show all of the idiot women that have fallen for it. It could also be titled, “Women with an IQ less than 15 that like to put out for guys that make $30,000 per year but like to pretend they are millionaires.”

Filed under: Things that piss me off by sschauer
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This is dedicated to all those tree-hugging hippies out there (you know who you are).

Global temperature changes are a natural part of the earths climate cycles. Unfortunately, people like Al Gore make money fooling the morons of society into believing this bullshit. Legitimate scientists call what he does “zohnerism”; it is defined as “the use of a true fact to lead a scientifically and mathematically ignorant public to a false conclusion.”

Watch the video, it’s only a little over 10 minutes and it can do more in that 10 minutes to educate you about “global warming” than I can in several pages.

Click here to download this movie in AVI format.

This movie, “Unstoppable Solar Cycles” is reproduced by IdeaChannel.com with permission.

Filed under: Interesting News by sschauer
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